I’ve had my own awareness practice turned up full volume these past two weeks from having to face facts that this relationship just “ain’t coming back.”
It’s been a non-stop awakening it seems, mostly involving a swinging pendulum of emotions that go back and forth between acceptance to then putting up the invisible hand in my mind when I hope for anything more with this person.
I’ve been on a shaky, winding path involving the intake of deep conscious breaths, to falling down into morose “notes to self,” then getting back up again,
then falling down again, then getting back up.
Practice, fall down, practice…
Tuning in to the breath and practicing a few flowing yoga sequences while remembering to relax tight clenched muscles happens to be one of the best prescriptions for restoring a banged up heart.
But it’s also about allowing the opportunity to sit with the heartache as well.
It’s quite tempting to want to stay frenetically busy or numb it somehow (“Oh, don’t worry about me. Chardonnay is very healing.”)
Mindfulness encourages us to be with “what is” so that we won’t lose it later with an uncharacteristic craving for a box of Cliff Bars or a fit of road rage.
When I start to feel my mind drifting back, and I feel those little vine-y tendrils of sadness begin creeping up to squeeze my heart again (somewhere from 10 to 20 minutes daily this first week, now gradually tapering to, ah… perhaps every 3 hours this week), I take a few moments to close my eyes… notice the sensations… then take slow deep breaths into it.
Then rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.
But then so does time.